Our reader asks: “ Hi Katie, I’ve been crossdressing on and off for 25 years. I tell myself I’m going to stop and throw everything out. It works for a bit, but the urge always comes back. If anything, it comes back stronger. Will my desire to crossdress ever go away? -Allison”
In this article, we’ll cover:
- Will the desire ever go away?
- Why the urge keeps coming back.
- The binging and purging cycle.
- Learning to accept yourself.
Dear Allison,
I wish I had a magical answer that could make this easier for you, but I don’t. One of the most asked questions we get from our customers and readers is, “Will my desire to crossdress ever go away?” After almost two decades of experience and talking to thousands of people in this community, the answer is almost always no.
I know for most this is not the answer they want to hear. But maybe a relief in knowing they are not alone in feeling this way. I have spoken to people in their early twenties who hope this ‘desire’ will disappear after college. I have spoken to many men in their thirties and forties who were convinced marriage and children would ‘fix them’. And I have even met people in their seventies and eighties who spent decades trying to ignore this integral part of themselves.
The question remains the same, but the answer never changes. The desire to crossdress never goes away. The only thing that changes is how they respond to it.
Many people get caught in what we like to call the ‘binging and purging cycle’. They overindulge in their femme sides by buying clothes and dressing every second they can. Then the guilt starts to creep in, and everything gets thrown away. A few weeks, months, or even years later, the desire comes back (sometimes even stronger), and they rebuild their wardrobe from scratch. And the cycle repeats.
We have an article on our blog about Bingeing and Purging that explains this cycle in much more detail. I highly recommend you read it if you struggle with this. Even understanding the cycle you are stuck in can help stop it!
Crossdressing isn’t an addiction. You aren’t fighting a habit; you are fighting a part of yourself. For most, gender exploration is harmless and in fact is healthy for your mental health.
Another article I would recommend is “Why do men crossdress?” In it, we explore many different reasons why men crossdress. Once you understand the why, it becomes much easier to stop seeing it as a problem that you need to ‘fix’.
The biggest thing I have learned after all of these years is that the people who are the happiest aren’t the ones who managed to stop crossdressing. It doesn’t mean making huge life decisions overnight. It just means accepting that this part of you exists and finding the healthiest way to embrace it in a way that fits your lifestyle.
I have seen far too many people spend decades hoping that one day these feelings will disappear. But that day rarely comes. The desire to crossdress usually stays, but the guilt doesn’t have to.
I hope that you find some reassurance in the fact that you are not the first person to ask, “Will my desire to crossdress ever go away?” And that if you take anything away from this article, it is that only you have the power to create peace within yourself!
With love,
Katie
Remember, if you have any questions about crossdressing, Katie can help with everything from relationship advice to tucking to sizing. Ask away, and Katie will gladly answer all emails sent to [email protected]. Make sure to add ‘For Katie’ into the Subject Line.