A Crossdresser’s Incredible Journey.
Michelle has been a good friend of GlamourBoutique.com for a number of years and we have always valued her willingness to share her own experiences as a crossdresser with our readership. This is a really good piece that we know many will identify with and we wholeheartedly agree with the little gems of advice. Read Michelle’s full article:
“The world of a crossdresser is often lonely and confusing, and David has been a fountain of support and encouragement for me over the last few years. As a way of saying thanks, I offered David an article for his informative newsletter about my experiences. That was over 12 months ago. Each time I sit down to write I find that my experiences have taken me further along my journey.
For much of my 6 year life as a crossdresser I have seen myself as a man in a dress; not surprising given over 50 years of testosterone shaping body and mind, and pursuing all the competitive adventures and endeavours of a male. This brings all the self-doubts about wanting to dress and fear of what others think. My wife, for example, thinks that my dressing is abhorrent. Honestly, I can’t give my wife a good reason why I dress. These self-doubts and fears stop us venturing out into the real world.
One night recently I was watching on YouTube some performers on old shows of Great Britain has Talent. They were feel good performances by singers such as Paul Potts and Susan Boyle whose talent greatly surprised the judges and audiences. Susan Boyle’s songs led me to one of my favourites, You’ll Never Walk Alone, Liverpool Football Club’s theme song.
We are fortunate to live in the Internet age, to understand that our differences are not unique. There are many men who have similar interests albeit with different motivations and different forms of expression. We can take comfort and learn from the experiences of others … we are not alone.
I have some CD friends who really do pass whether a result of being biologically blessed, great dressing style or talented with makeup, or all three. At over 6 foot and a solid 230 lb I am not one of them! A penchant for short skirts and colourful tops means I don’t try to blend either. Yet in my 1000+ outings in the last 3 years I have only had a handful of unpleasant experiences, such as a fellow trying to pick me up. Yep, unpleasant. I’ve had some folk ask me the time to get me to speak. Needing to ask is a compliment in my book but it did take me a while to feel comfortable in such situations. Such experiences are the source of increasing confidence and often an opportunity to educate the public.
Venturing out into the real world dressed for the first few times will always be the most fearful and awesome of experiences but know that many have done it before you and the real world is more prepared to greet you than ever before. Social mores are changing. We are in an age where difference is increasingly tolerated if not accepted even if difference is not always understood.
Sometimes living our transgendered lives tests those who love us absolutely. Yet, true love finds a way to overcome these challenges. I mentioned my wife and best friend abhors my dressing. We have settled on a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) arrangement that, importantly, offers honesty and removes the fear of discovery. It works for us but means that my male and female lives must be compartmentalized. Sadly, it means that my best friend doesn’t cross over into my female world but I am spared the emotional roller coaster of a participating wife and limits are only those self-imposed.
My advice is to not to force acceptance or participation but to understand that unconditional love might be expressed simply by turning a blind eye. It took me many months to come to this realization.
Crossdressing can be very lonely particularly when our wife is not supportive or doesn’t know, or we must keep our male and female personas separate. Even lonelier if we are restricted to the confines of our homes. Often loneliness is exacerbated by our fear of being recognized as a male and ridiculed when interacting with those whose paths we cross. Years of male training reinforced by our reflections in the mirror and our voices, convince us that we are perceived as males in a dress and therefore reticent to initiate interaction. We can be in the real world but it is us that isolate ourselves from that world, the world does not isolate us.
To record my journey and perhaps to give expression to an exhibitionist streak I created a website with the theme: An incredible journey. A wonderful life. Rewarding in all its complexities. The last six months of my femme journey bears testimony to the theme.
My femme side now seeks interaction with people and is keen to make friends, far more so than my male persona. This desire for friends is driven by the genuine enjoyment of companionship and an interesting chat. I really don’t know why but it is somehow easier as Michelle to meet people.
Some recent experiences when females have initiated long conversations with me show me that some just see a person and don’t dwell on difference.
It does seem that females are quicker and more likely to be accepting. Hardly surprising though as they understand the joy of femaleness and more naturally form deeper relationships. Females are more open to genuine friendships and are more likely to engage with other females. ‘Best friends’ is more a female concept.
How I perceive myself also influences how others perceive me. I can glance in a mirror or at a photo and like what I see. Sounds conceited but that’s not what I am saying. I see a softer more femme image rather than male me with make-up. This increasing self-acceptance translates into a positive confident presence.
I am privileged to be accepted into and to share the female world. It is certainly deeper by comparison to the relative superficiality of male relationships. The more I talk to females the more insights I gain plus a sense of the differences between males and females. I’m not sure that a ‘sense’ translates into a depth of understanding but some patterns emerge. I wonder whether having a male and female perspective helps analyse and understand personal situations. I don’t know. What I do know is that caring about people, recognizing their abilities and encouraging self-belief makes a difference in their lives.
Thinking about some days out catching up with friends and making new ones leads me to recognise that my journey has further evolved. My femme life is no longer superficial but very real. Considerably more than presentation, it is now a world of deepening friendships, of supporting others and being supported, and growth in confidence. I now see Michelle as a person rather than a female expression of male me and I like the person I see.
My hesitancy in interacting with people has largely passed. Does this pose a danger? In one sense the problem becomes the opposite; the assumption is more that all people will be tolerant if not accepting. The reality is likely to be closer to tolerance than rejection.
So by embracing who you are and opening yourself to friendship by a genuine interest and concern for others, you need never walk alone.
My final advice is to: DISARM WITH A CONFIDENT SMILE, BE APPRECIATIVE OF KINDNESS AND EMBRACE DIFFERENCE!”
My email address is michelle@michelle-aus.com